


The Peculiar Mr. Hood And The Strange Mr. Fang

by charab



Series: Dysfunctional Affairs [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, also mentions of violence, in poem form, slice of strange life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 22:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9628544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charab/pseuds/charab
Summary: Not many knew what would becomewhen Strange paired up with Peculiar.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So! Rhymes turned into something quite strange.  
> Blaming Tim Burton's animation movies and nursery rhymes for this one.  
> Butchering the tale of Little Red Riding Hood on the side while at it.  
> This is what happens when the muses decide to ambush an author.  
> Very thin slice of life for, well, the couple of Strange and Peculiar.  
> Enjoy.

  
_Their eyes, some said,_ _their_ _voice_ _s_ _, some told  
the flesh of foreig_ _n,_ _the origins of unknown  
\- __there was a hush in the crowd when_ _t_ _he_ _y_ _came_ _to_ _town_ _._

 _  
_ _  
They_ _all_ _did,_ _as one_ _, agree on a fact  
_ _when the town officials_ _start_ _ed_ _to act_ _:  
_ _not only_ _with_ _their_ _face_ _s,_ _or_ _the_ _tattered_ _wicker case_ _s_ _  
_ _there was something peculiar to th_ _ose_ _lad_ _s_ _._

 _  
  
__Known_ _among_ _the gossips_ _,_ _Mr. Hood_ _and Mr. Fang t_ _he_ _y_ _w_ _ere_ _called  
not a single moment __seen_ _without_ _the_ _red hooded cape  
__or the silvery hair and_ _darkly masked face_ _  
__the_ _stigma and proof of_ _their_ _rumored trade._

 _  
  
__R_ _ather_ _handsome_ _they_ _were_ _,_ _was_ _commonly agreed_ _  
__despite_ _the_ _odd_ _scar_ _s_ _crossing_ _both of their_ _cheek_ _s;  
__one cutting horizontal, one over an eye  
like cross when put together, or X marking a lie._

 _  
  
__Strong, tall and smart they were told to be too  
with plenty of meaningful looks given at them two_ _  
__perfect suitor_ _s_ _with no_ _debts_ _nor_ _misgiving_ _s_ _  
-_ _if_ _only_ _t_ _he_ _y_ _minded mingling_ _among_ _the living_ _._

 _  
  
__Now if you asked Mr. Hood, he'd_ _readily_ _agree  
__for he'd been brought up by_ _history_ _of_ _misery.  
He didn't mind those __sending_ _callous invitations  
yet he wished to be left out of __such_ _ministrations._

 _  
_ _  
_ _Mr. Fang_ _understood the point, was fair and just  
_ _could easily_ _charm those_ _that_ _he must_ _  
but rather than_ _letting his brain gather dust_ _  
he spent his time_ _cleaning his blades of rust_ _._

 _  
  
_ _Yet p_ _oor Mr. Hood_ _and poor Mr. Fang_ _,  
_ _not many towns wanted their two-man gang  
and those that did wished to see them hang  
\- needless to say, they escaped with a bang._

 _  
  
__So_ _many_ _of_ _traps_ _had_ _t_ _he_ _y_ _been_ _forced_ _to_ _bail  
__so many miles trekked under showers of hail_ _  
__only_ _devotion_ _to each other helping on their_ _travel_ _  
__when_ _plunging_ _through_ _guts_ _and_ _bones_ _and gravel._

 _  
__  
__Th_ _e_ _y_ _w_ _ere_ _no saints, but even they did wonder_ _  
when_ _faced with_ _charge_ _s of_ _a horrendous murder_ _  
-_ _they didn’t like nobles_ _,_ _but_ _t_ _he_ _y_ _had to admit  
__t_ _h_ _e_ _y_ _preferred_ _those_ _living to dead_ _,_ _certainly._

 _  
  
__Shortly told,_ _to_ _their_ _earlier_ _surprise_ _  
__the_ _last_ _client had_ _paid with devious lies_ _  
__and_ _confronting them_ _to ask_ _what rightfully was theirs_ _  
__had_ _them_ _be_ _come_ _framed with the massacre of heirs._

 _  
  
_ _Thus, lying there_ _back to back on hard stone_ _flooring  
bruised, _ _b_ _attered and_ _feeling their bodies cooling_ _  
_ _t_ _he_ _y_ _supposed there were worse ways_ _than hanging_ _to kick the bucket  
like having _ _tongues cut and_ _eyes plucked_ _out_ _of_ _their sockets._

 _  
_ _  
_ _Tired_ _and_ _moody,_ _Mr. Hood, then_ _said:  
_ _“_ _If only there was method to the madness of men._ _”  
_ _To find himself_ _de_ _feate_ _d_ _had made him grim_ _  
_ _for a Hood to_ _lose their_ _smile_ _–_ _how_ _unfair_ _!_

 _  
  
__While wondering when he had made the wrong_ _turn on the path_ _  
Mr._ _Fang, the jester macabre,_ _drawled_ _like solving questions of math_ _:_ _  
“_ _T_ _here was a method,_ _and_ _they sure_ _did_ _exploit it,  
for __even I wouldn’t have_ _slip_ _ped_ _past_ _the_ _profit._ _”_

 _  
_ _  
_ _Perhaps i_ _t was a testimony to_ _the end of his rope_ _  
for Mr. Hood_ _allowing himself to_ _h_ _ope._ _  
“_ _I say,_ _darling of mine_ _, if you_ _do_ _n't mind,_ _  
_ _to help me plotting us out would be rather_ _kind_ _.”_

 _  
  
__There rang a laugh, mocking his plea_ _s_ _  
__mimicked_ _by the_ _echo_ _and their fleas_ _._ _  
“_ _A shame to disappoint you, but if I may  
rather than helping I __would_ _say nay_ _.”_

 _  
  
_ _Utterly baffled (and a little bit_ _peeve_ _d)  
Mr. Hood wasn't sure _ _what the other jeered_ _.  
“You say nay to _ _your love_ _r_ _in need?  
Prefer watching _ _me_ _to suffer and bleed?”_

 _  
_ _  
_ _The growl of th_ _eir stomachs_ _mixed with a hum  
the _ _voice_ _drawling bored like the doomsday drum:_ _  
“_ _Not sure if I should I help out_ _such_ _a fellow  
who, _ _the last time I helped, turned me y_ _ellow.”_

 _  
  
__Mr. Hood_ _suppos_ _ed,_ _had he not fallen for the prick,  
__it_ _’_ _d be_ _fun_ _to_ _skin,_ _fillet_ _and eat the man’s dick_ _._ _  
“_ _For all you are Strange,_ _you are_ _the worst -  
hope you'll get the plague and die of thirst!”_

 _  
  
__For all that was absurd and wrong_ _with_ _his reply  
the laughing __Mr._ _Fang_ _had no intention to deny:_ _  
__“_ _S_ _uch scandalous words coming_ _from_ _that mouth,  
I sure __am glad for_ _having_ _no children around.”_

 _  
  
_ _“_ _Quite crue_ _l_ _,”_ _Mr. Hood_ _heard himself mutter  
while feeling his _ _mood_ _reeling into gutter.  
“You know _ _of_ _my_ _heart_ _, yet yours I don't know,  
_ _you’re making me feel not like_ _a_ _lover but a_ _foe.”_

 _  
  
_ _“_ _Maa, now,”_ _Mr. Fang_ _said,_ _sitting up with a r_ _ush  
“_ _what_ _they said in your ear_ _to_ _cause such a fuss?”  
_ _To whom he spoke, was not_ _made_ _quite clear  
_ _to_ _the_ _walls around or_ _Mr. Hood_ _lying near._

 _  
  
_ _For Mr. Fang, it was said, he_ _had_ _a Strange_ _act_ _,  
a bit of _ _cold_ _character,_ _not too jolly or so tact,  
yet when he _ _had_ _met Mr. Hood, his heart gave a thud  
blooming through the ice like a _ _leaf-green_ _bud._

 _  
  
_ _Though_ _by_ _those who claimed to have been present,  
it was as if a wolf had turned civil and decent,_ _  
_ _for_ _the_ _S_ _trange had made advance to the_ _Peculiar_ _he was seeing  
(which _ _had back then_ _prompted_ _Mr. Hood_ _quickly_ _fleeing)._

 _  
_ _  
_ _It was said, after that,_ _wherever they were_ _  
_ _not closer was_ _the other_ _than_ _the other_ _was near  
_ _yet everyone could see who they_ _truly_ _held dear  
and many had hoped them having nothing to fear._

 _  
  
__They did bicker, snark and snap at each other  
but that was one reason for them being together.  
__So_ _after_ _the_ _two_ _settled_ _for a passing_ _truce,  
they both __huddled up to plan_ _for_ _a rus_ _e:_

 _  
  
“_ _We could poison them with our lunch, since you were the cook.”_ _  
  
__“One more insult and I’_ _ll_ _kill you to lighten my mood.”  
  
“That temper is not going to do you any good.”  
  
“Nor does the habit of __ending_ _in_ _jail_ _make you less of a crook._ _”_

 _  
  
_ _Mr. Hood had earlier decided, when he had met his odd lover  
that the silver-haired man was indeed a Strange lone rover_ _  
_ _s_ _trange in his gait and strange in his style  
strangely _ _charming_ _when not rude and vile._

 _  
  
_ _(_ _But, he had to admit, if a bit grudgingly,  
even if keen to bark, he _ _di_ _dn't mind the company._ _)_ _  
_ _Y_ _et little did he_ _then_ _know,_ _once courting shadows in the dark_ _  
_ _when_ _S_ _trange met_ _P_ _eculiar,_ _there was_ _a_ _bite to that bark._

 _  
  
“_ _Did they take all of the shiny blades off you?”  
  
“What are you, a magpie pretending to be an owl?”  
  
“Only asking here, no need to play so foul.”  
  
“I have two of them hidden, how about you?”  
  
“One long enough to make the cut for two.”_

 _  
  
A click of a lock, and the turn of a door  
made them put haste for lying back on the floor  
yet the footsteps carried past them in the end  
_ _making both of their brows lift and bend._

_  
  
An oddity, or a chance, they didn’t care  
seeing that they never really cared to play fair  
their keeper had left, abandoned his post  
giving them enough time to ditch their host._

_  
  
“Maa, you’d better keep your distance,” Mr. Fang then said  
and Mr. Hood put himself behind the poor excuse of _ _a_ _bed._ _  
_ _From there he watched, as Mr. Fang pulled out his knife  
and eyed the cell’s small window like the thorn _ _to_ _his side._

 _  
  
__Quite s_ _t_ _riking_ _the sight was_ _,_ _for all there was on display:  
__a black_ _outfit and a black mask contrasting the_ _s_ _ilvery_ _hair.  
__There was_ _the blade_ _in his hand,_ _a_ _leather glove_ _in the other  
__and_ _a look in his eyes that he really couldn't bother._

 _  
__  
__It could have been_ _because of_ _the look so dark  
that Mr. Hood_ _almost missed_ _himself saying the_ _remark:_ _  
“_ _Now this is a view_ _that is rare to_ _come across:  
a __black wolf showing_ _the wall who is the boss_ _.”_

 _  
  
__For Mr._ _Fang_ _'s defense,_ _the_ _day had been shitty  
even __without_ _the pain and interrogative n_ _itty-_ _g_ _r_ _itty_ _  
__so with_ _the risk of cutting down his life expectation  
he turned to address the fiend in question_ _:_

 _  
__  
“_ _If you have nothing else_ _,_ _then_ _look the other_ _way  
before I __make an effort_ _to end your day.  
I've had it with assholes, cowards, __backstabbers and thieves_ _  
who've given me nothing but headaches and grieves.”_

 _  
  
_ _They both knew, it wasn't an idle threat,  
_ _but_ _when_ _Mr. Hood_ _doubled over and laughed, laughed, laughed  
_ _then_ _left flushed_ _red_ _and_ _clearly_ _out of breath  
imagine how Mr. _ _Fang_ _had then felt._

 _  
  
_ _(Technically, he surmised, the dawn wasn’t there yet  
so they could test out the springs of that bed.)_

 _  
  
_ _Better yet, he decided, to_ _take his time once they were out_ _  
_ _to see what would make Mr. Hood moan and shout._ _  
_ _But_ _before he_ _should start wagging_ _his tail_ _  
_ _his blade_ _of lightning_ _cut through the w_ _all_ _of the jail_ _._

 _  
  
__Paying no heed to_ _the alarm ringing, he_ _changed tone:  
“_ _They’ve yet to learn why_ _we’re Strange and Peculiar._ _”  
__Like a shadow of silence, he_ _breathed in the greenery_ _,  
“_ _Then_ _they’_ _d know better than to enter this scenery.”_

 _  
  
__A smile broke out under_ _his_ _black mask:  
“_ _We_ _could tell_ _them_ _our_ _name_ _s_ _,_ _if they should_ _ask.”_ _  
Yet what really drew Mr. Hood's interest in  
were the well-clad thighs, strong and firm._

 _  
__  
__A_ _lover_ _or_ _a_ _foe, he_ _then_ _couldn't say which  
__but_ _Mr. Hood felt his_ _desire for him_ _itch.  
“_ _I_ _haven't_ _told you mine_ _, that is for sure-”_

 _  
  
“For __you saw no reason_ _,_ _bein_ _g such_ _a prude.”  
  
“_ _Wha-_ _a_ _brute_ _call_ _ing_ _the_ _other_ _prude is_ _damn_ _bloody rude!”  
  
“Never __had_ _seen a reddie so overdressed for their hood.”  
  
“_ _Nor there had been a wolf so hell-bent for doing good.”_

 _  
__  
__Try as he might,_ _Mr._ _Fang_ _couldn't s_ _ay anything_ _to_ _that  
__and their jailers were already reaching them_ _, in fact.  
“Well __we_ _do have_ _some_ _tea and sandwiches_ _in my wicker_ _  
__and_ _you like pickles_ _and_ _herbs,_ _for you_ _aren’t any_ _p_ _icker_ _.”_

 _  
  
“_ _To have_ _you_ _offer_ _me_ _vegetables, that is a first.”  
  
“I can also serve you a kick to the head seasoned with a fist.”_

 _  
  
_ _Mr._ _Hood_ _laughed once more, then turned_ _for the door_ _  
“Well if that's the case then I'll let you offer_ _that and more_ _.”  
Since he was the kind who didn't _ _want_ _jokes go to waste:  
“As long as the treats match to my taste.”_

 _  
  
__A snap of a finger, and the_ _guard_ _s came at the call_ _  
Mr. Hood just barely able to register them all  
__yet he joined his partner in the desperate fight  
to get them __the break_ _they needed for the flight_ _._

 _  
  
_ _After the short battle, they watched the blood flow  
turning the cell floor crimson red in the lantern’s glow_ _  
“_ _So, Mr. Hood,” Mr. Fang spoke with a smile  
“I hope you have the strength to _ _run_ _for a mile.”_

 _  
  
Was it the look or the smile that tilted the man's hidden mouth?  
Mr. Hood felt his blood rush a bit more to the south.  
“Mr. Fang, that is the length of _ _our_ _morning strolls,  
I will be fine as long as we see no browling trolls.”_

 _  
  
“_ _Then shall we,” Mr. Fang asked, and offered his hand  
pulling his love into the night of the hostile land.  
They ran through the shadows into the dawn  
and listened to the wakening sounds of the fawn._

 _  
  
After the daybreak, a _ _fierce_ _kiss was shared  
and they booked a room from an inn with a proper bed.  
_ _Through the next day, they made love worthy of their fame  
and for the first time came calling each others’ name_ _s_ _._

 _  
__  
(_ _M_ _any may_ _wonder_ _, with what_ _the author_ _then_ _was amused_ _:  
__how_ _did the_ _Red_ _Riding_ _Hood_ _turn into Icha Icha_ _prose?)_


End file.
